I dont post on here too much anymore but am trying to get the word out about the pups all over. I have 5 puppies, 3 male 2 female: 1 lemon and white male and female, 1 lemon white and almond male and female and 1 white lemon and almond male. The pups will be ready this friday 5/11/07, they are registered with first shots and a 3 generation pedigree, they are 6 weeks old, I know this seems early but my vet actually recommends this age as they begin to develop a sort of litter hierarchy and should be placed by 8 weeks.  The cost is $500.00 per puppy. Please call 702-301-1555 or 702-382-5051.

Almost 5 months since my last post and so much to tell. Sean started walking 2 days before his birthday, and now he's trying to run, we have to strap him into his walker if we dont want to chase him all over the house. He got so much STUFF for his birthday that the living room is now Seans play yard with a little slide and swing gettup, a foot powered car, a bouncing pit, a learning playhouse thing, a sit n spin, a balll tower, tubes that he crawls through, and much more, those are just the big things.

Mike and I are on the rocks right now, we both love eachother so much but we cant seem to stop fighting, we had another blowup the other night and decided to split, but, 2 days later he's making plans for our future. I'm tired of it all, I'm ready to walk, but I'm not ready to take Sean away from his daddy, move out of Vegas, or support 2 kids on my own, so I'm biding my time until I start this new job cocktailing at mandalay bay, supposedly I have the job but the put a freeze on hiring for a month, but after I get settled in there and I have the insurance and the money is flowing I'll probably bail.

Sean now has 9 teeth, with which he loves to bite the crap out of us with, he loves to bark at the dogs, and his favorite words are cookie and go. Anyway, I have work I have to get done, so, I'll try to come back and update again. Until next time......

Just realized it's been almost 3 months since my last post.

Sean is now crawling all over, pulling himself to a stand on everything, and about a week ago, he started letting go of what was holding him up, yes, freestanding!!! Cici's birthday is tomorrow, were all getting geared up for that, 14 with an attitude of a 33 yr old, me to be exact, I want to strangle her.

On a more somber note, my favorite uncle, Uncle Larry, in Iowa, passed away from cancer on the 1st of this month from cancer, he was the greatest uncle a little girl could ever have and everyne loved him, my mom drove out here and I took her to the airport so she could spend his last days with him, I wanted to go, but with my recent trip to Ohio for my grandmothers funeral, expenses were tapped. Yes, I did go back to work, but 2 weeks after I started back, the club lost it's liqour license, and a few of us dancers waited over a week to see if they would get it back, no such luck, so I have started working at another club called seamless, and it's pretty nice, but it's not the crazy horse, which now I hear is scheduled to reopen on the 18th, I will be going back.  I have a lot more pictures of sean to post but I have to get them organized.

I had planned on breastfeeding till Sean was 1, but at about 7 months and 2 or 3 weeks, I had another siezure that really scared me, as it took a lot of my memory, Cici sayed I even asked her who she was when I came to, so I have started taking my meds again which meant I had to stop nursing, and I think I'm done having babies. I just didnt bounce back from this last siezure like I normally do and I dont want to run the risk of waking up and not knowing anyone. Dont get me wrong, I want another baby very much, and I think if I avoided my triggers I could avoid another siezure, I'm just scared.

Mike is going through a lot of things we haved stored up in the back and ran across some of Cici's old toys, Sean loves them, especially the talking teletubbies she has, she has Tinky Winky and Po, Sean just listens to them and gives them kisses over and over. Wanna hear a real pisser? Now that I'm working and no longer breast feeding, Seans become daddies boy! He acts as though he doesnt need me anymore, he's always looking for Mike, for his naps, for his feedings, to play, EVERYTHING, he looks for his daddy, even if I'm there. Anyway my boy is telling me he's ready for his ba ba and morning nap, and daddies still at work, so I have to go hook him up. I will try to post more often. Until next time, I love you all and Blessed be.

This past week has proven to give Sean so many firsts in his life.

My Grandma Nutt passed away last wednesday at the age of 97, a very strong willed, loving  woman, who always let you know exactly how much you were loved.

Sean recieved his first plain ride, to Cleveland OH, his first meeting of his uncles Gene and Jerry (my brothers), his first special security screening (I forgot to remove my pepper spray from my keychain) we both got the pat down, His first outing on a lake, his first funeral, his first time on a jet ski (no, it wasnt moving), oh his first meeting of his cousin Matthew, first mouthful of sand (while I was grabbing the baby food, he rolled over and and grabbed a handful). He also got to ride in a funeral prosession, voiced his oppinion of the pastor (babbling through her speach) then crying. He got his first balancing act from his uncle Gene (we all went off on Gene) he held him up in the air with just one hand under his butt, swaying back and forth, Sean loved it, everyone else freaked. All in all, the trip went very well, I got to spend some nice time with my relatives, Sean was a great baby on the plains. We all new the end was near with Grandma, as her health had been giving her many problems lately and her balance was so that she had had several falls, apperantly my brother, aunt, and my brothers father walked in to her room at the rehab, she said thats all, no more please, said goodbye and slipped away quietly.

Of all the firsts Sean has recieved this last week I have to say the one that I wish he didnt get, is his first real sickies. We dont know exactly whats wrong with him yet, but, he's miserable, he really just wants to be left alone, and nurse all day, I can see why Sarah had such a hard time weaning Collin. Nights are pure hell as Sean is sleeping most of the day, he's on antibiotics, as I took him to the doctors yesterday as I'm simply running out of steam. They did a booger culture, took a urine sample (my poor baby got cathiterized), checked his ears, throat, wicky wacker, everything, and havent found the problem yet, they are sending his urine to the lab to fully analyze it and see if it wont tell us anything more, but for now, my baby is just whiney all day and night, and any little distubance makes him scream. Anyway, we just arrived home monday night, and I still havent unpacked as I havent had any spare time from Sean so I think I'm going to take this opportunity while he's napping and go get that done, I'll keep you posted as to how he's doing. Until next time, I love you all and Blessed Be.

Well Sean is now chasing the dogs around the house with his walker, it took about 4 days of being in it to figure out he was controlling it and how to do it. He sits up quite well without assistance, he started that on the 7th. Cici had a wonderful vacation at her aunties in AZ and my sister and her daughters came out for a visit at the same time, oh how theyve changed in the last 3 years. Sean is a babe hound!!! He sees a pretty girl and starts flirting like crazy, and they all melt when they see his big blue eyes and flashes that smile of his. speaking of smiling, he is such a happy boy, and god, my sister cant get over what a good baby he is. his teeth still havent cut through, but continue to drive him up the wall, teething tablets and tylenol are my best friends, but even with that he is still so happy. Mike and I are kinda on the rocks right now, I'm not really sure if I'm gonna stay as taking care of a little baby is hard enough without the constant nagging that comes standard in this house, I gave him a bitch list and he still hasnt addressed it, so we'll see where that goes. Anyway, I'm gonna upload the pics weve been taking lately, including a couple pics from the 4th, and his first time swimming, Sean was ok with the first 2 dunks, with all of us smiling at him when he came up, but the 3rd pissed him off, no matter how much we smiled, lol. Oh at his last checkup Sean weighs 15 lbs and is 25.5" long, I thought he was heavier, but Mike says our scale sucks so, there ya go. I started back to work, 3 days, monies terrible, not sure if I want to keep going at it, but I'm gonna stick it out a little longer. Still no car, ac's still out on the truck, so I'm pretty much stuck inside all day. Oh Oh Oh, Sean loves his solid foods, and is such a good eater, he hates green beans, but other than that he doesnt care what you give him as long as you feed him, we started that on his 5 month b-day. Ok, so I'm gonna cut this short so I can load the photo's for ya. Until next time, I love you all and Blessed Be.

  

   OK, I have finally set up the photobucket albums so that we can all see the pics of Sean in the various months.

Things are going great with him lately, except for his teeth, they wont cut through completely, they get a corner through, and the next day you cant see them at all.

I started solids with him, and he eats well, so I pureed a banana and tried that, but it made his poop too solid so I'm backing off and just giving him rice cereal and breastmilk, I'll try the bananas again in a month.

Still no car, Mike got carried away buying coins on ebay, so money is too tight. He's really obsessive with ebay, he will spend his entire days off shopping coins for Seans future.

Anyway this post is really more about Seans pics so, click the link to view em. http://s50.photobucket.com/albums/f319/emorocks18/Sean/

After watching the curiousity on my boys face for a few days while he was watching me eat, I decided to start Sean on solids. So Sunday night for dinner he had a bottle of breast milk, rice cereal & a little bit of bananas, he loves it! He gobbles up a 5 oz bottle in less than 10 minutes. So now at 8:30 every night I give him a dinner bottle and by 9:30, he's out and doesnt wake until 2:30 am for his normally midnight feeding, allowing me some extra sleep time. HOORAY!!!!! What else have we got going on now, Oh he has 2 favorite songs, Skidamarinky dinky dink, and John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt. He cracks up laughing when I start sing them and if he's fussy, I can sing them and he will smile, although he starts crying when I stop. I finally got a coouple of nursing tank tops, Why did I wait so long? We also purchased him a short guys walker and he has a blast, he's not exactly chasing the dogs around the house yet but he can make it move how he wants to some extent. Sean is now ready for 6-9 mo clothing, at our last weigh in over a week ago he has hit 16 lbs, which is 1/2 a lb less than doubling his birth weight, but he's not fat, he hides his weight in his length, however he does have plenty of chub for me to chew on, lol. He will be going in for his 4 1/2 month shots in a couple weeks, I'm curious to see how these go. I love just spending time with my boy but I am getting burnt out on being home all the time, jumping through every hoop Mikes mom holds out for me, I need a getaway. The only drawback with Sean having solids is theres a nice big package waiting for me in Seans diapy when I wake up, lol. Other than that everythings going pretty smooth, my sexual appetite has resumed YIPEEEE YAHOOO, I want it and enjoy it again, its so nice to be a sexual being again, I thought I was going to be a frigid witch forever! I'm sorry I havent posted any new pics in quite some time, trust me I've been snapping them off like crazy, I just never find the time to DL them. Oh oh oh, Sean has my attitude problems with his daddy's temper, as parents, Mike and I are screwed, lol. If I take the breast away from him, even when he's just playing, he screams, he insists on going to sleep at the breast, so when he wont take his binky I walk away, let him scream for a couple more minutes and then return to cuddle, this routine generally take about 30 minutes, till he gets the hint that I'm not giving in and he drifts off while mumbling and grumbling, Mike and I call it "talking shit", he's very good at it. Anyway, I am exhausted and think I'm going to go lay with my boy, until next time, I love you all and Blessed Be.

Well after a couple of procedures that she did not want, and 3 days in rehab, Jackie is home. Unfortunately, seeings how she does not want to be alive right now, she's making us all wish we were dead. While she was in the hospital, we gutted her room completely, I myself did that as well as sanding her entire hardwood floor to get it ready for stain, Mike painted the room, stained and finished the floor, I then scuffed the floor to get it ready for another coat of finish, I bought her new sheets, Oh I could go on all day as to what we did, lets just say it took me Mike and his friend Jimmy over a week to complete everything, and it's not enough. Not only that but she wants to switch to vonage phone service, even though after looking at their homepage, I'm skeptical of the service, and told her of my reservations, she dont care. She wants the quilt her mother made hung on the wall, she wants new drapes, (something trimmed w/ blue satin) to match the quilt of course, and Mike and I can no longer smoke in the house . Blow Me! anyway enough of her.

     Sean can now roll over both from tummy to back and back to tummy unassisted, is trying terribly hard to crawl, he gets 1 leg under himself and pushes forward, so he doesnt move fast, but he does move. Seans first tooth is playing peek-a-boo, which is making his life hell, but now I noticed his other front bottom tooth is right therre with the first, I have never seen so much drool! He is such a funny boy, he dont like the frozen teething rings, but loves to chew on my cold soda cans, lol. He now firmly grasps objects and tries to manipulate them, he has picked up a teether toy off of his chest and brought it to his mouth. I dont remember when Cici did all of these things, but I'm thinking Sean is on the fast track to growing, and stubborn, this boy is relentless, I can put him in his swing to nap with his binky and he will scream at the top pf his lungs until he gets his woobie tucked up at his cheek. Oh I'd love to tell you more but he's waking from his nap. I love you all and Blessed Be.

     At Mikes last visit to his mother the hospital staff informed him that she had been requesting to let her die and asked if he would like to have her breathing tubes removed and let her go. Mike told me this and we talked all morning on this, both of us crying as we know it's the right thing to do, that it's what she realy wants, both of us watching the clock till the 4:30 visiting hour when Mike said "let's go do this". I wanted to see her, to show her pictures of Sean, and of Cici, that she may be able to see them 1 last time before she goes as yesterday the outlook was very grim. So the plan was for Mike to go in and find out how long she might last if they remove the tube, as we want to have enough time to get her out of the hospital, and have her loved ones with her when she goes, then he would come and get me so that I could talk to her 1 last time, then I would go back out to Sean while he said his goodbyes. Well we arrived at the hospital, and Mike went in while I sat with Sean in the waiting are, Mike came back out and I went and said my goodbyes to Jackie, asking her to watch over my boys for me, that I would take care of them as best I could, but that I needed her to watch over them, the whole time, watching her mouth the words "I love you Shawna" and "Let me go." Finally I went back out to Mike and Sean, I asked Mike if he had asked about the tubes, and he replied "No, I'm not gonna do this now. They did a catscan earlier and are waiting for the results, so I'm gonna see what they say first."  So Mike went back in to talk to her and when we left he asked me if I could understand anything of what she was saying to me, I said other that I love you and let me go I couldnt say, Mike was surprised that she had said let me go and said that while he was in there, Jackie kept patting her chest and pointing out. The only way that she could get her message across. We left the hospital and shortly after we got home the hospital called to tell us they found a blood clot on her lung which is whats keeping her blood gas's from normalizing when they try to extubate her, that they were going to give her some blood thinners to alleviate the clot and that she should recover. A couple hours ago, I went to get Mike and I some dinner, and as I was driving, it finally clicked, This past year, Jackie has been telling me that she doesnt want to go to the hospital again because they hurt her, that she doesnt want to die in the hospital, that she doesnt want to be alone when she dies. I thought she meant that the actually abused her in some way, she was trying to tell me then, aall they do in the hospital, is prolong her agony, they get her breathing well enough to come home in pain, waiting for the next attack, where all she can say is "OH" as she trying to breathe, OH OH OH, over and over again, screaming it to get one of our attention to come to her side. She's not asking for help in these OH's, she simply does not want to be alone as she passes.

I'm so angry right now, angry at myself for not seeing this sooner, and angry at Mike for not doing what he needs to do, what he wont let me do, to help end her suffering. I let her believe that it was all going to be over soon today, we said our goodbyes to eachother, and now she's still lying in the hospital bed while they keep giving her hope, Hope for what? At least there she's sedated, can rest, and in no where near the pain she is at home, she's peaceful, and I have to ask myself isnt that how I would want it? Trus she doesnt want to die alone or in the hospital, and if we take the tubes out, theres no telling how long it would be, but, wouldnt it be better than enduring the pain there would be, waiting for it here at home. So tonight, I am goig to write a Prayer, a Prayer for the dying. Jackie is a wonderful woman, an honery bitch that I love very much, and cant stand to see hurt anymore, and I ask the same of anyone reading this, as Mike cant find the strength within himself to "make the decision to kill my mother" as he puts it, and I simply want to help her to be free of this body that has her spirit trapped, Please say a Prayer for Jackie, she needs all the help that she can get. I will keep you all posted. I love you all and Blessed Be.

     Well, believe it or not, Sean is cutting his 1st tooth. About a week ago, Sean started drooling buckets so I suspected that he might be teething, but dismissed it because he is so young, then about 3 days ago, Sean was gumming my finger to death when I felt something sharp on his lower gums and checked and sure enough, the outside edge of his lower left front tooth has emerged from his gums.

     This brings mixed emotions for me, on the one hand I'm excited as my boy is growing and becomming his own person, on the other hand, I want to cherish, and eternally hang onto him being so young.

Well teefers arent the only thing my boy is working on right now, I put him in his doorway jumper the other day and he was having a blast pushing himself off the ground, standing and turning around, now dont get me wrong he doesnt realize that he is turning himself or anything like that, but I have noticed that at certain times throughout the day he gets stompy, lifting 1 leg and then pushing off with it so I decided to put him in the jumpy to see how he would react, he loves it, although he does tire quickly. He seems to understand so much, and he communicates so well what he wants, for food it's nahhhh, for diapers it's nngahhh, and a clear geeeee when he's sleepy. And then theres just generic things that amaze Mike and I, Mike was laying in be with Sean laying against his raised knee's, Mike was rubbing Seans feet which is now part of a ritual they do together, Mike got engrossed in the tv and stopped rubbing Seans feet, kind of forgetting about him when Sean began sticking his foot up in the air and making noises, I pointed this out to Mike, he began rubbing Seans feet again and Sean quieted down and just layed back returning to sucking on his binky. Now I dont care what proffesionals might say, my boy wanted his daddy to continue rubbing his feet and told him so.

     Sean has outgrown the 0-3 month clothes he has. He's now 14 lbs, and is very close to rolling himself from back to belly, which is irritating as he doent like being on his belly, so when he has something to push over with, he can do it and does and then fusses to be back on his side. Someone we know mentioned that Sean is "getting out of the way for the next one" which scares Mike to death. Persoanlly, after having Sean, yes, I could and would be glad to do it again, but Mikey, well he's a different story, he loves his boy to no end, but wants no parts of another, so much so that he will not touch me without a condomn, and actually lost all interest (if you know what I mean) when we were fooling around without one. As for me, I'm not sweating getting pregnant again at all, for the simple reason, I have absolutely no sex drive, Mike was wanting to fool around a week or so agao and I told him "No baby, I'm all dirty, Seans been spitting up on me all day and trust me you dont want me right now!" lmao, me making excuses to get out of sex, I was always begging for it b4 Sean, now, just let me be a mommy right now.

     On a more serious note, Mikes mom isnt doing so good, she's back in the hospital in ICU, she believed she was going to die the other night so Mike convinced her to let him call an ambulance, her nurse yesterday told us that she should make it through this no problem which is music to Mikes ears, me on the other hand, I know Jackie now, not who she used to be and I wish her suffering could end and I know she wants the same, she's tired of hurting, and fighting to simply breathe, she has no life other than laying in bed all day watching tv on oxygen and doing her nebulizer treatments every 30 minutes if not more often, she lives on dr. pepper, Ice water and burrito's and feels great if she can manage to get to the bathroom herself without an attack. Weve moved a portable toilet into her room so she can simply slide forward off the bed and do her business and then Mike or I come in and change the bag, she hates this, she is such a proud woman, a shell of who she used to be and wants to be free of this body she's trapped in, for Mike I want her to live, but for Jackie, I cant even say it, I just want her to be free. My prayer is that if this is it, let her go quickly and peacefully, if not, let her make a speedy recovery, but for her sake, I hope she doesnt recover, right now, she has a machine breathing for her, but is so sedated that she's feeling barely any pain, we went to see her yesterday and she was using all her strength to mouth the words I  love you, we were only there about 10 minutes, but it was enough to drain her energy reserves, she fell asleep as soon as we left her room.

     Mike and I have gutted her bedroom so that we can clean it thoroughly, paint it and put a new finish on the floor for her, so that when, if, she does come home, she will be able to breathe easier, as the only cleaning she can handle is me washing her sheets weekly, we cant even dust as when the dust is stirred it sends her into a bad attack, so were making it as nice as possible for her now as she will easily be in the hospital for 2 more weeks, giving enough time for the cleaning, painting, and finishing fumes to disappear b4 her return. Emotionally, I think I'm doing pretty good, when I moved in with Mike, his ailing uncle had recently passed away and I had to pack up his room as Mike couldnt go in there, packing his mothers room to clean it has been much more difficult, and eerie, I didnt get to meet his uncle, he passed the day before I was to meet him, but I've been here going on 4 years now with his mother and I had to take several breaks while emptying her room.

     OK, I cant think about that anymore, Cici arrived yesterday from her vacation with grandma in CA, to get an award she recieved in the mail from the city council for taking part in improving her community, yes I'm sooooooooo proud of her, she's going to a choir competition this weekend in San Diego and they will get to go to Disneyland while there, only the advanced choir is supposed to be going but, she and 2 other intermediates have been showing the talent to go . I guess right now, I'm neither up nor down as so many things are happening right now that counter-balance eachother on an emotion scale, Jackie's situation does hurt me, but Sean and Cici are making me so proud right now that I cant stay bummed. Anyway, I could go on all evening about my family, but I must get something done around the house while Sean is sleeping. So until next time, I love you all and Blessed Be.